No Prescott, No Henry, Some Problems
(Published on nwitimes.com) (September 2016)
If a visionary had told 11-year-old me in January of 1986 the New York Giants and New England Patriots (two playoff victims the Bears slayed en route to their historic 1985 championship) would combine to win eight Super Bowls before the Bears captured another title, I would have viciously mocked my psychic foe in the manner 11-year-olds do.
But that's where we are. Thirty years and counting.
Considering I'm now closer to death (presumably) than the Bears are to winning another title ... well, things could be better.
Still, being a Bears fan means unbridled optimism when the calendar flips to September and I am no exception (save for that pessimistic previous paragraph). So, here are five reasons Bears faithful should stave off swallowing a cyanide pill.
1. Jay Cutler ... (cue audience laughter). But seriously, folks:
1. Jay Cutler isn't long for this Bears quarterback world: Cutler has manned the Bears' quarterback position for an unbelievable seven years (going on eight). In that span, his ill-timed interceptions have sucked the life out of the fanbase 42 trillion times, conservatively speaking. And while his contract inexplicably runs until 2020, there's a good chance the 2016 season is his last hurrah.
The last four years of Cutler's contract aren't guaranteed, and if the team releases him after this season, there will be no salary cap repercussions. So, assuming the Bears won't run roughshod over the NFL (a fair assumption) and will have one of the 10 worst records in the league (also fair), there's a good chance Cutler will hit the road and the team will draft a quarterback in 2017. Keep your collective heads up, Bears fans. Your long, interception-riddled nightmare has almost concluded.
2. Kevin White will probably step on the field: Last season, the Jacksonville Jaguars drafted defensive end Dante Fowler Jr. with the No. 3 overall pick and he immediately tore his ACL. Fans like myself thought, "What a shame. It would be terrible to have your top draft pick not play a down in his first season."
And then, of course, the Bears' No. 1 pick, White, a speedy wide receiver who was exactly what the team needed to amp up its stagnant offense, suffered a similar fate thanks to a stress fracture in his shin. That was brutal.
On the plus side, White appears healthy and productive this time around, and will pair with fellow wideout Alshon Jeffery to form an aerial attack that might surprise some unsuspecting foes. At the very least, the offense will be more entertaining than in 2015, when the ball boys on the sideline led the team in wayward Cutler receptions.
3. The Bears (stunningly) might be the second best team in the division: Prior to Minnesota Vikings quarterback Teddy Bridgewater's torn ACL, the consensus was the Green Bay Packers and Vikings were both clearly superior to the Bears.
Now, though, the NFC North landscape has shifted dramatically, and with the Vikings forced to compete with massive disappointment Sam Bradford as their presumed signal caller, and the Detroit Lions forever being the embodiment of Rust Cohle's "Time is a flat circle" speech (that is not a compliment), the Bears have a legitimate chance to finish ahead of both teams in the division.
In fact, the Bears may win a handful of games thanks to a schedule that is ranked second easiest in the league according to NFL.com. I'd say they can prevail in more than a handful, but let's not get crazy. After all, the key to happiness is managing expectations.
4. It will be fun to watch Dak Prescott and Derrick Henry blossom into future stars in Bears uniforms: Oh, wait, that won't happen, because despite a glaring need at both quarterback and running back, the Bears' brass decided to pass on both Prescott and Henry in this year's draft. The duo subsequently thrived in the preseason and made me long for the glory days of late April when I thought the Bears would select either or both. Wonderful memories.
That disappointment aside, the Bears do have some young talent that could make the effort of turning on your television worthwhile. The aforementioned White, for instance, will create some highlights when he isn't chasing cornerbacks following a Cutler interception.
And while the jury is still out on first-round pick and outside linebacker Leonard Floyd, he was chosen No. 9 in this year's draft for a reason, which I assume wasn't his pleasant telephone voice. Floyd (and his voice) will pair with free agent signings Danny Trevathan and Jerrell Freeman to give the Bears a linebacker corps that may resemble that of the Brian Urlacher and Lance Briggs days (especially if you have astigmatism).
5. Their jerseys are still pretty cool: Sure, every talented player from recent vintage is now gone (bon voyage, Robbie Gould) and the current Bears carry an intimidation factor that rivals your weirdo brother's collection of Precious Moments figurines, but if you're going to lose, you might as well lose in style.
The Bears will suffer some ghastly defeats in 2016, but will be stylish while taking their beatings. And really, other than winning championships, restoring civic pride and capturing the hearts of millions, what's more important than looking good?