We’ll Always Have Detroit
(Published on nwitimes.com) (October 2, 2016)
For those who fancy immediate gratification over long-term gains, Sunday's Bears victory over the Detroit Lions was for you.
Sure, every time the Bears prevail this season it damages their spot in the NFL draft, which, in the grand scheme of things, is much more harmful than an October victory over the Lions is helpful.
But ... fine. I've seen enough jubilant "Bears win!" posts splashed across social media this week to understand my method of pining for losses is not popular. I'll play your game.
I'll ignore the fact the Bears' victory was not only meaningless, it was actually costly now that wide receiver Kevin White has sustained an injury that will almost certainly keep him out for the rest of the year.
Rather than being branded a Negative Nellie (the most vicious of sobriquets), I will focus on the positive points of the Bears' 17-14 triumph.
For instance ... Brian Hoyer, what a competitor, eh?
Hoyer continues to capably fill in for injured quarterback Jay Cutler as he threw for an impressive 302 yards and two touchdowns and was a key reason the Bears got off multiple schneids.
Not only did he help the Bears reach the win column for the first time this year, the team also snapped a six-game home losing streak, a six-game skid against the Lions (which is incredible when you think about it) and a six-game stretch in which I've punched a hole in my kitchen wall.
Also, for numerology fans, the number 111 played a prominent role as wide receiver Eddie Royal (yes, the Eddie Royal!) caught seven passes for 111 yards while rookie running back Jordan Howard (yes, the Jordan Howard!) galloped for a career-high 111 yards. According to a numerology website I just glanced at, 111 is one of the most powerful and positive numbers in existence.
So, that's pretty nifty. It probably means favorable developments are on the horizon, no?
And let's not forget about the Bears' defense that, for whatever reason, opted to play a disruptive role against Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford as opposed to doing its usual impression of wet tissue paper staving off a charging rhino.
In a vacuum, Sunday's triumph could be considered the turning point in a season that had resembled a runaway manure train plummeting down a mountainside.
With their next two games being eminently winnable (the Bears face the dreadful Indianapolis Colts on Sunday and the equally putrid Jacksonville Jaguars the week after), the team could find itself with a .500 record, which, given how the year started, would be slightly more surprising than discovering plutonium under my bed.
If there is a fly in this positive-thinking ointment though, it's the NFL isn't played in a vacuum and reality has a way of crushing one's burgeoning spirit. Especially if said spirit is defined by the performance of a football team that toes the line between being an embarrassment and an abomination.
Assuming everything breaks perfectly for our heroes and they do reach the mythical 3-3 plateau, the good vibes will almost certainly be quashed when the Bears square off with the Green Bay Packers and Minnesota Vikings in games seven and eight.
And assuming the Bears recover from the probable beatings those teams will inflict and prevail in a few more frays (games against the Tennessee Titans and San Francisco 49ers look tasty), they still have two more matchups with the Vikings and Packers on the docket. Which means no playoffs for the beloved this time around.
On the plus side, when the calendar flips to 2017 and the Bears' season comes to a typically unsatisfying conclusion, we can turn to each other over a roaring fire and say "We'll always have the Detroit game."
For those who fancy immediate gratification over long-term gains, Sunday's Bears victory over the Detroit Lions was for you.
Sure, every time the Bears prevail this season it damages their spot in the NFL draft, which, in the grand scheme of things, is much more harmful than an October victory over the Lions is helpful.
But ... fine. I've seen enough jubilant "Bears win!" posts splashed across social media this week to understand my method of pining for losses is not popular. I'll play your game.
I'll ignore the fact the Bears' victory was not only meaningless, it was actually costly now that wide receiver Kevin White has sustained an injury that will almost certainly keep him out for the rest of the year.
Rather than being branded a Negative Nellie (the most vicious of sobriquets), I will focus on the positive points of the Bears' 17-14 triumph.
For instance ... Brian Hoyer, what a competitor, eh?
Hoyer continues to capably fill in for injured quarterback Jay Cutler as he threw for an impressive 302 yards and two touchdowns and was a key reason the Bears got off multiple schneids.
Not only did he help the Bears reach the win column for the first time this year, the team also snapped a six-game home losing streak, a six-game skid against the Lions (which is incredible when you think about it) and a six-game stretch in which I've punched a hole in my kitchen wall.
Also, for numerology fans, the number 111 played a prominent role as wide receiver Eddie Royal (yes, the Eddie Royal!) caught seven passes for 111 yards while rookie running back Jordan Howard (yes, the Jordan Howard!) galloped for a career-high 111 yards. According to a numerology website I just glanced at, 111 is one of the most powerful and positive numbers in existence.
So, that's pretty nifty. It probably means favorable developments are on the horizon, no?
And let's not forget about the Bears' defense that, for whatever reason, opted to play a disruptive role against Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford as opposed to doing its usual impression of wet tissue paper staving off a charging rhino.
In a vacuum, Sunday's triumph could be considered the turning point in a season that had resembled a runaway manure train plummeting down a mountainside.
With their next two games being eminently winnable (the Bears face the dreadful Indianapolis Colts on Sunday and the equally putrid Jacksonville Jaguars the week after), the team could find itself with a .500 record, which, given how the year started, would be slightly more surprising than discovering plutonium under my bed.
If there is a fly in this positive-thinking ointment though, it's the NFL isn't played in a vacuum and reality has a way of crushing one's burgeoning spirit. Especially if said spirit is defined by the performance of a football team that toes the line between being an embarrassment and an abomination.
Assuming everything breaks perfectly for our heroes and they do reach the mythical 3-3 plateau, the good vibes will almost certainly be quashed when the Bears square off with the Green Bay Packers and Minnesota Vikings in games seven and eight.
And assuming the Bears recover from the probable beatings those teams will inflict and prevail in a few more frays (games against the Tennessee Titans and San Francisco 49ers look tasty), they still have two more matchups with the Vikings and Packers on the docket. Which means no playoffs for the beloved this time around.
On the plus side, when the calendar flips to 2017 and the Bears' season comes to a typically unsatisfying conclusion, we can turn to each other over a roaring fire and say "We'll always have the Detroit game."